Loving and Caring

Mar 11

When we love & care so deeply for someone struggling with addiction be it drugs, alcohol, tobacco, gambling, eating. We can get caught up in the vicious cycle of addiction, become over whelmed, stressed, consumed and lose sight of ourselves.

Addictions are what they say in AA meetings, Cunning. Baffling and Unpredictable. It seeps into every nook & cranny of our lives and of those we love.

Taking care of self is important and can be gently stopping the codependency of taking responsibility for other people’s thoughts, actions & emotions. It’s saying what you need, in the most compassionate way possible and then trying to live in the mystery of the unknown.

One of the most difficult things to do is watch a loved one struggle with some form of addiction and experience the feeling powerlessness. Finding yourself wishing you could somehow “fix it”.

Difficult and painful as it can be… it takes “radical acceptance” embracing self with all of the pain, fears, anxiety and step firmly on the path of recovery even when there may be over whelming emotions.

Compassionate Boundaries

Compassionate Boundaries become much easier when you realize this:

· Say your truth without shame or blame. Leaning in is uncomfortable and necessary for a “loving” relationship.

· You are not responsible for how other people react to your boundaries you set. Let go of the outcome.

· Please do not expect anyone to love your boundaries.

· Do not expect them to be grateful for setting your boundaries. you may have to practice more. Don’t even expect them to respect or care for your boundaries.

· You will need to repeat the assertive clear compassionate statement.

· Just set the compassionate boundaries kindly, you need to keep yourself safe and healthy. That’s your work. That is your healing, your empowering self, Set and gently keep the boundaries. Their reaction is their responsibility.

· When “hooked,” mindful breath is your next thought.

· Your response could be empathy for them and then a kind restatement of your needs and/or boundary.

· If they get angry, that’s a reflection of them and their historical residue, their relationship with boundaries. It is not a reflection of you or your character.

· You own your emotions. 100% responsibility for my actions. They own theirs.

· They are loving you fully or showing where you have been “hurt”

· Gently stop the codependency of taking responsibility for other people’s thoughts & emotions.

Written by S. Andrew

Recovery

& The Work

We are all born with a soul that is a clean slate. We grow up in a home and we are parented with what our parents have been taught from their parents or learned from others.

What were the parents taught? How to engage their children in day-to-day life, the cooking, open communication, problem solving skills, teaching empathy, feel feelings, respect and responsibility. Or were they taught the bare minimum, keeping the children clean, fed, clothed and in school. Did they teach the children what they needed to know, so they had sufficient resources to survive or did the parents do everything for their children.

What was the environment that your parents grew up in? Was there calmness, compassion, respect or did they grow up in a home where they were taught how to steal, do drugs, was there emotional/ physical abuse or somewhere in between? What was the experiences within their family, in their community, with friends, schools?

This is where everything begins. Going through life having positive or negatives experiences throughout the years. Relationships of all kinds coming & going.

You may have grown up in a home where parents have been given what one might call decent parenting skills and the parents are social (drugs, tobacco, alcohol or food) users or don’t use substances at all. Others grow up in homes where stealing, addictions, emotional or physically violence is part of their daily experience.

Whatever experience you have had, it leaves an invisible imprint on your soul. This does not include what you have experienced throughout your life by the situations you put yourself in and whatever those situations held for learning. What about those situations you “walked into” with no intent?

Sound like a lot of living, it is. It evolves like your taste in music or clothes. So, when people talk about recovery it involves looking inward, evolving ourselves as people, doing the hard work, the unfolding of the layers of life lived and processing them as much as you need to until you find resolve.

Finding someone who you are comfortable with, giving yourself permission to break your silence and secrecy. To be open, earnest, honest and vulnerable with them and most importantly, with yourself.

It is giving self the gift of being the authentic self. Figuring out who you are without what you struggle with (drugs, tobacco, alcohol or food), learning what do you like, what do you value and what you do want in this next chapter of your life? You get to be the author!

I believe we all do the best we can with what we know. When we know different, we can do different.

So, if you can, give yourself permission to stand up, reach for the sky like you are trying to signal a plane to be rescued and let you soul beam the brightest LED light … saying here I am and claim your place in this world….

May what you dream of …………… all the hopes and aspirations become your reality.

Happy New Year!

We All Need A Little Support Sometimes

There are moments when we feel strong, capable, and ready to take on the world. And then, there are times when the weight of it all can feel overwhelming, and we realize that even the strongest among us can benefit from a helping hand.It's a common misconception that needing help is a sign of weakness. In reality, recognizing when you need support and reaching out for it is a profound act of courage and self-awareness. Whether it's a listening ear, practical advice, or professional guidance, there's no shame in admitting that sometimes, we all need a little help.

Let's break down the stigma around seeking help. Together, we can create a community where everyone feels empowered to ask for the support they need, when they need it.

Please Remember You Are Stronger Than You Think: Embracing Support When Life Gets Tough Life's journey is rarely a straight path. There are incredible highs, moments where we feel invincible, and times when we navigate challenges with grace. But there are also detours, unexpected storms, and moments when the weight of the world feels heavy on our shoulders. In those times, it's not just okay to seek support – it's a testament to your incredible strength.

Our Feelings Are Valid: Whatever you're experiencing, it's real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.

Reaching Out is an Act of Self-Care: It shows you're committed to your own well-being and growth.
You're Never Alone: There's a community of understanding and resources ready to stand with you.

Let's shatter the myth that independence means never needing anyone. True strength lies in knowing when to lean on others, allowing yourself to be supported, and emerging even more resilient. You've got this, and we're here to remind you that it's okay to ask for help along the way.

Meditation

Meditation can be incredibly helpful in our day-to-day lives, offering a wide range of benefits that impact our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Here's how it can make a difference:

* **Stress Reduction:** One of the most well-known benefits of meditation is its ability to reduce stress. By focusing on the breath and being present, meditation helps to calm the nervous system, lower cortisol levels, and promote a sense of relaxation.

* **Improved Emotional Regulation:** Regular meditation practice can help you become more aware of your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. It teaches you to observe your feelings without judgment, allowing you to respond to situations more thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

* **Enhanced Self-Awareness:** Meditation encourages introspection and a deeper understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and patterns of behavior. This increased self-awareness can help you identify triggers, understand your motivations, and make choices that are more aligned with your values.

* **Increased Focus and Attention:** By repeatedly bringing your focus back to the present moment, you strengthen your ability to concentrate, leading to improved productivity and a greater capacity to stay present in conversations and tasks.

* **Better Sleep Quality:** Many people find that meditation helps them fall asleep more easily and experience more restful sleep. By quieting the mind and reducing anxiety before bedtime, meditation can create a more conducive environment for deep sleep.

* **Greater Empathy and Compassion:** Practices like loving-kindness meditation specifically cultivate feelings of empathy and compassion towards oneself and others. This can lead to more fulfilling relationships

* **Reduced Negative Thinking:** By observing thoughts as they arise and letting them pass without attachment, you can reduce the power negative thoughts have over your mood and outlook.

* **Increased Patience and Tolerance:** By practicing patience with you naturally extend that patience to others and to challenging situations in your daily life. This can lead to less frustration and greater understanding.

* **Improved Physical Health:** Beyond mental benefits, blood pressure, improved immune function, and reduced chronic pain. The stress-reducing effects play a significant role in these physical benefits.

Incorporating even a few minutes of meditation into your daily routine can gradually transform your experience of life, leading to greater calm, clarity, and overall well-being.

The Universal Path:

Finding Common Ground in Diverse Recovery Journeys

Recovery is a deeply personal journey, often associated with overcoming addiction. However, the concept of recovery extends far beyond substance use, encompassing mental health, trauma, burnout, and even navigating the criminal justice system. While the specifics of each path may differ, the underlying process often shares remarkable similarities, offering a universal roadmap for healing and growth.

The first crucial step in any recovery journey is recognizing that a change is needed. Whether it's the realization that a substance has taken control, the persistent weight of anxiety, the overwhelming exhaustion of burnout, or the desire to break free from past mistakes, this initial acknowledgment is the catalyst for seeking help. It's a courageous moment of self-awareness that opens the door to a new beginning.

No one truly recovers alone. Across all forms of recovery, the importance of support systems is paramount. This can manifest in various ways: peer support, community support, counseling.

Recovery is not just about stopping a harmful behavior or alleviating symptoms; it's about building a stronger, more resilient self. This involves developing healthy coping mechanisms to navigate life's challenges.

Thought Challenging: Learning to identify and reframe unhelpful thought patterns is crucial for managing anxiety, depression, and self-defeating beliefs.
Distraction Activities: Engaging in activities that absorb your attention can provide a healthy escape from overwhelming thoughts and emotions.
Planning and Routine: Establishing structure and setting achievable goals can provide a sense of control and purpose, particularly important when recovering from burnout or navigating significant life changes.
True recovery often requires addressing the individual as a whole—mind, body, and spirit. This means looking beyond the immediate issue to understand its root causes and developing strategies for long-term well-being. For instance, burnout recovery involves not only reducing stressors but also protecting time, taking breaks, and incorporating rituals.
Continuous Growth and Self-Compassion:
Recovery is rarely a linear process. There will be setbacks and challenges, and that's okay. The key is to approach these moments with self-compassion and a commitment to continuous growth. It's about reinforcing effort over outcome, understanding that progress, not perfection, is the goal. In essence, whether you're recovering from addiction, navigating mental health challenges, healing from trauma, overcoming burnout, or seeking a new path the core principles remain the same: acknowledge the need for change, seek support, develop coping mechanisms, embrace a holistic approach, and commit to continuous growth with self-compassion. The specific tools may vary, but the universal path to recovery is paved with courage, connection, and a deep commitment to healing.